I was mauled by a squad of angry pygmy goats (and other valid reasons for my lack of blogging)

Hello there, blog-land! It appears I was gone long enough for them to completely change the layout of this website...good for me. The following are things that would have been valid reasons for my absence:

• I was possessed by the spirit of a Chinese Water Dragon who made me spend all my time watching Mulan and eating tuna. Also it didn't know how to type. 
• I was mauled by a squad of angry pygmy goats. A cheerleading squad obviously, who got extremely testy after I insulted pygmy goat soccer (the soccer is regular sized, only the goats are pygmy). 
• My butler Bumbley referred to me by my first name and I spent the last few months in a dark torture chamber re-teaching him proper employer-employee etiquette. 
• I was on an extended reverse-Rumspringa to decide if I wanted to stay with this life or embrace the tantalizing glitz and glam of the Amish ways. In the end, I masterfully resisted temptation, but it was touch and go for awhile.
• I was building a really big Lego tower. 

Sadly, none of these are what caused me to slack on my blogging duties. In short, I got depressed for awhile and wasn't feeling very funny. Then I got un-depressed but remained easily distracted. Then I really did start to build a Lego tower, but I ran out of those rectangle six-y blocks, which were necessary to form a solid foundation (it is basic architecture). 

Oh my God, they aren't six-y at all, they have EIGHT! My life is a lie. 

But I have returned! Summer awaits and I am finally feeling more like my carefree, borderline inappropriate, strange little self. So if anyone is still out there, brace yourselves for the incoming madness.

Edit: Also I made a Twitter today. So if you want to hear more things I say, go for it. There is a button and everything.