I am either a business genius or a horrible person, according to a running argument I have with my friend Heather. It began one day when I had the completely normal urge to be covered in kittens.
Me: “I require a box of kittens.”
Heather: “For the last time, I’m not going to get you kittens. We live in a dorm room.”
Me: “Well obviously I don’t want to KEEP them. I just want to lie on the floor and cuddle with them for awhile. It will make me feel better.”
Heather: “I don’t think there is any place where you can temporarily get an entire box of kittens.”
Me: “Just rent them.”
Heather: “Kitten rental is not a thing.”
Me: “It’s totally a thing! I’m making it a thing right now. You can be my business partner. We’ll make millions.”
Heather: “I am not going to be your business partner. That is a horrible idea. You can’t just pass kittens from one home to another, that’s cruel. They’d get attached to you.”
Me: “Well, it could be rent with the option to buy, like with couches.”
Heather: “I just don’t think it’s very nice.”
Me: “I doubt cats are anymore sensitive then children.”
Heather: “…do I even want you to clarify that?”
Me: “It would basically be like foster children, but with cats. If you can rent kids you should be able to rent kittens.”
Heather: “You can’t call foster kids ‘rental children’!”
Me: “…It’s totally the same thing. Except that rental kittens would be way better because instead of a stupid kid you can get like, an entire box of tiny baby cats.”
Heather: “That is completely horrible.”
Me: “So you’re saying you won’t go rent me some kittens?”
Heather: “No, I will not go get you a box of kittens from the fictional business you just made up. Especially since it is a horrible idea.”
Me: “You are so unsupportive.”
Heather: “PETA is going to attack you.”
Me: “PETA will love me. You’re jealous and mean and now I’m a storm cloud because you won’t invest in my business.”
Heather: “Get out from under the blanket, Bailey.”
Me: “NO! It’s my cave! Grrrrr! Did that sound like a panther?”
Heather: “I thought that was your Velociraptor noise.”
Me: “That was clearly a panther. Velociraptor are accompanied by the short arms.”
Heather: “You’re under a blanket, I can’t see your arms. And all your growls sound the same.”
Me: “Now you are just trying to hurt me.”
