Monday, September 5, 2011

Apparently it is rude to call them "rental children"

I am either a business genius or a horrible person, according to a running argument I have with my friend Heather. It began one day when I had the completely normal urge to be covered in kittens.

Me: “I require a box of kittens.”

Heather: “For the last time, I’m not going to get you kittens. We live in a dorm room.”

Me: “Well obviously I don’t want to KEEP them. I just want to lie on the floor and cuddle with them for awhile. It will make me feel better.”

Heather: “I don’t think there is any place where you can temporarily get an entire box of kittens.”

Me: “Just rent them.”

Heather: “Kitten rental is not a thing.”

Me: “It’s totally a thing! I’m making it a thing right now. You can be my business partner. We’ll make millions.”

Heather: “I am not going to be your business partner. That is a horrible idea. You can’t just pass kittens from one home to another, that’s cruel. They’d get attached to you.”

Me: “Well, it could be rent with the option to buy, like with couches.”

Heather: “I just don’t think it’s very nice.”

Me: “I doubt cats are anymore sensitive then children.”

Heather: “…do I even want you to clarify that?”

Me: “It would basically be like foster children, but with cats. If you can rent kids you should be able to rent kittens.”

Heather: “You can’t call foster kids ‘rental children’!”

Me: “…It’s totally the same thing. Except that rental kittens would be way better because instead of a stupid kid you can get like, an entire box of tiny baby cats.”

Heather: “That is completely horrible.”

Me: “So you’re saying you won’t go rent me some kittens?”

Heather: “No, I will not go get you a box of kittens from the fictional business you just made up. Especially since it is a horrible idea.”

Me: “You are so unsupportive.”

Heather: “PETA is going to attack you.”

Me: “PETA will love me. You’re jealous and mean and now I’m a storm cloud because you won’t invest in my business.”

Heather: “Get out from under the blanket, Bailey.”

Me: “NO! It’s my cave! Grrrrr! Did that sound like a panther?”

Heather: “I thought that was your Velociraptor noise.”

Me: “That was clearly a panther. Velociraptor are accompanied by the short arms.”

Heather: “You’re under a blanket, I can’t see your arms. And all your growls sound the same.”

Me: “Now you are just trying to hurt me.”


  1. You obviously need a kinder, more understanding roommate.

  2. I could totally go for some rental puppies.

  3. I would totally rent kittens, or rent out my child, but only to non-creeper types.

  4. You are insane, but I am totally in love with you now!

  5. This is great! I'll go into the rental kitten business with you :) There are all kinds of animals that I'd love to have, but only while they're still babies and cute and stuff.....the most recent is an owl but I've also wanted a penguin. And better that the babies be surrounded by people who adore them and love on them than someone who will just leave it at home all day while they're at work. With the rental thing, they'll get almost constant attention and affection.

    BTW...thanks for making my morning. This was the first thing I read upon arriving at work. Now, I can spend the rest of the day thinking of the millions you'll hopefully let me make with you. :)

  6. Hahahahaha. That completely made my mood better. Thank you!